After Rejection

I already wrote about my rejection that happened a month ago, but something happened and I thought about talking about it a bit more.  So, a month ago I asked a guy to go to the movies and he said no in a pretty cold way.  He’s in my class and we used to talk a lot, but since then we didn’t talk at all.  For a month, we didn’t say anything to each other, at least not directly.

Yesterday, I was reading and my friend was asking him where he was at in our work for our law class.  I then heard my name and someone asking me where I was in our class.  I looked away from my book and he was looking at me while smiling softly.  I could tell he felt awkward to talk to me but relieved he managed to do it.  I think he tried earlier in the day too, because he came to see me and my friend for a homework.  But, I ignored him.

I was quite surprised, he’s a very shy boy.   But I was happy that he talked to me.  I knew someday I’d have to talk to him again because we’re in the same class.  So I was relieved he did it first.  At the same time, I felt like he was sorry and that he understood that he hurt me.

So when I looked up from my book, I smiled at him and answered him like I would have normally.  Since last month, it was the first time I felt like that.  I wasn’t as stressed or as awkward.  I felt good, relieved.  I don’t know how to explain it, I just felt different.  I wasn’t embarrassed to see him anymore.

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Rejection

Today, I thought about what happens when you wish to someone to get hurt and karma.  If you hurt someone will it really get back to you?  If you wish something bad to happen to someone, will it happen?

About three weeks ago, I asked a guy in my class that I kind off like if he’d want to go to the movies with me.  I sent him a message, actually.  When I sent it, I felt so so nervous.  Deep down, I knew his answer even thought I was hoping for something else.  I wanted to go back and erase it, but it was too late.  It was my first time asking something like that to someone.  He said; ”No, I wouldn’t go out with you.”

He hurt me a lot and I cried.  I knew he’d say no.  But, thinking it and hearing it isn’t the same thing.  I was mad and embarrassed.  I knew I’d have to see him at school, in class.  I almost didn’t go to school, but I didn’t want him to think it affected me and that I was weak, because I am not.  I went to school and was in a bad mood all day.

Today, I went to school and saw him.  He was laughing at the jokes I made in class and sometimes looking towards me.  I hated that.  He acted the same way as before…  The same way that made me think I might have had a chance.  I remember hoping he’d get hurt or something.  And guess what?  He broke his hand and went to the hospital!  I was kind off happy, even thought I know I shouldn’t.

He’s a nice guy from what I know.  I’ve talked to him a lot before, and it was fun.  But now, we don’t talk anymore.  I know, now, that he doesn’t think of me as anything special.  But, I’d still like to have him as a friend.  Now that I think about it, I think I just rushed things…  If I think about it, I don’t think I’d see him as something more then just a friend.

Being rejected is never a nice feeling.  But, I’m kind off proud that I asked him to go to the movies.  It takes a lot of courage to do that.