Dealing with emotions

I’ve never been the type of person to be open about myself. I keep lots of secrets and hide my emotions. I was coming to write about people in general and attachment to them and I found an article about emotions so I thought I might do a bit of both: relationship and emotions.

Firstly, I’ve changed schools often; the longest I’ve stayed at the same school was 3 years and I had one “close friend” that kept leaving me alone for her boyfriends. I didn’t really have friends… I hated most of them. I changed school almost every 2 years after that, for different reasons: moving, advanced school… Anyway, I’ve never made a close friend and my family (grandparents, aunts, uncles- not my parents or siblings) were rarely present. So things like missing someone for a weekend or even the thought of having a boyfriend is foreign to me. Though I did make a real best friend, maybe because we think alike… Without her, I’d be alone. Which I don’t want to be, because then I’d be a loser. Kids can be mean… I’m kind of weird with relationship, it’s something I don’t really understand. My friend, she’s there so I’m not judged for being alone, she’s there so I can reassure myself I’m normal, someone to discuss things with me, though she doesn’t always understand what I’m talking about. I don’t understand friends that hug each others after not seeing each other for a weekend… I don’t understand touching people. I don’t even like it, it doesn’t even feel good. Why would you want someone touching you? I get annoyed by people a lot; when they make noise with their mouths, when they breath to loud, when they laugh too loud, when they smell bad, when they don’t respect your bubble/privacy, and the list could continue. I’m getting weird feelings about everything. I always change: I don’t want to see anybody to a point that I hate the human species to wanting to help them and missing my grandmother.

For the emotions and feelings, I’ve never been good with them. I can’t tell at all in a reading comprehension what the character is feeling. I try to answer and something that would have been surprised might turn into curiosity for me. Maybe because I think differently then a lot of people… I don’t know, I always react differently… Psychology is complicated and I can never understand it. I prefer science and analyzing. I’m good at reading real people though. I can tell if they’re lying and make them reveal the truth. I’m good with psychology in a way.

My whole person is a contradiction. It’s almost as if I’m two person. I don’t know if that’s just because I’m weird and odd or because I’m a teenager…

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