Dilemma

I have a passion for South Korea since a couple of years, I thought I wanted to go there and teach English.  But my mother tongue is French and I’ve always went to French schools.  And it would cost less to go to University in French.  So I don’t have much chances to get a job or a visa.  Then I thought about being a translator there.  But I don’t think I’d be able, I would find it boring and languages have never been my strength, I’ve always been better in sciences and math.  I could try, but if I’ll be happy or even get a job…  I really don’t know.  I want to go there, but I don’t like the job that I would have to do.

I also have a passion for crimes.  I read a lot about Forensic Sciences and I think it would interest me a lot.   I’d like to work as a DNA analyst.  I think I’d like that a lot.  I love sciences, it’s my favorite subject at school since I’m very young.  There is always something new to know.  I know that there will be gruesome things working in that field.  But I don’t mind sincerely.

So, I have a dilemma.  I have to choose between both.  I’m still young so I have time, but I should still start thinking about it, because time go fast.

Forensic Sciences are the only thing that ever made me think about doing something else…  What should I do?

Do you guys have any recommendation or tips to help me?

Liars and lying

If you lie too much, it’ll become a habit.

I hate liars.  I always did.  I can’t stand being lied to, so I always tried to find out the truth.  I’m good at knowing whether someone is lying or telling the truth, so I get angry at people easily, knowing that they are hiding something from me.

But, I’m also a liar, and a good one on top of that.  I love lying, I hate telling the truth.  I lie a lot.  To my parents, siblings, friends, teachers, psychologist, everyone.  I don’t like them knowing about me.  So I do understand those who lie to me.  But most people, they’ll telling the truth to the ones they trust, unlike me.  I lie to them, so they can think of me as a good person.  Someone who wants to help them, someone who won’t judge them, a genuine person.  The truth is, I just want to know about them, know how they think, they’re weakness.  I’m manipulative, I admit it.  I’ve told people I was a liar, but that’s just part of the game.  I told them I was a liar, if I was a ”real one”, I wouldn’t tell them.  And I tell some stupid lies, so they think that those are what makes me thinking I’m a liar.  So they end up trusting me anyway, not thinking about me lying to them.  I rarely reply correctly and directly to a question.  They don’t know that much about me.

Only my closest friend, knows some of my secret.  But that’s because I have no one other then her.  If I’m not normal with her, when will I ever be?  I care about her, which is surprising.  I don’t get attached to people usually.  But, we understand each other and we are pretty alike so it’s nice.  For once, I feel like I have a true friend and I believe I should be a true one too.

I hate liars, but I am one myself.  Nothing makes sense.

Lost in an imaginary world

For our English class, we have to do a book report.  I’m not such a fan of presenting in front of the class or read a mandatory book, but I still like it.  Why?  Because it puts me in the mood to read.  I atually love to read.  Thought I find it hard to find a good book.  So for this book report, I picked up a book I had in mind last year for another book report but finally didn’t choose for an unknown reason, called Blacklands.  It’s basically the story of a young boy who writes a letter to a child molester/serial killer to find the body of his uncle that was killed at the age of 11 (not sure about the age).  Hoping that the discover of the body would make his grandmother happier and that she would treat him and his brother better.

 

I like it a lot even if I haven’t read a lot.  I was also thinking about other books to read.  I’m really interested in The Faults in our stars, Between the devil and the deep blue sea, I am not a serial killer, two boys kissing and another book that I can’t remember right now…

 

Anyway, do you guys like to read?  What’s on your “to read” list!?

Rejection

Today, I thought about what happens when you wish to someone to get hurt and karma.  If you hurt someone will it really get back to you?  If you wish something bad to happen to someone, will it happen?

About three weeks ago, I asked a guy in my class that I kind off like if he’d want to go to the movies with me.  I sent him a message, actually.  When I sent it, I felt so so nervous.  Deep down, I knew his answer even thought I was hoping for something else.  I wanted to go back and erase it, but it was too late.  It was my first time asking something like that to someone.  He said; ”No, I wouldn’t go out with you.”

He hurt me a lot and I cried.  I knew he’d say no.  But, thinking it and hearing it isn’t the same thing.  I was mad and embarrassed.  I knew I’d have to see him at school, in class.  I almost didn’t go to school, but I didn’t want him to think it affected me and that I was weak, because I am not.  I went to school and was in a bad mood all day.

Today, I went to school and saw him.  He was laughing at the jokes I made in class and sometimes looking towards me.  I hated that.  He acted the same way as before…  The same way that made me think I might have had a chance.  I remember hoping he’d get hurt or something.  And guess what?  He broke his hand and went to the hospital!  I was kind off happy, even thought I know I shouldn’t.

He’s a nice guy from what I know.  I’ve talked to him a lot before, and it was fun.  But now, we don’t talk anymore.  I know, now, that he doesn’t think of me as anything special.  But, I’d still like to have him as a friend.  Now that I think about it, I think I just rushed things…  If I think about it, I don’t think I’d see him as something more then just a friend.

Being rejected is never a nice feeling.  But, I’m kind off proud that I asked him to go to the movies.  It takes a lot of courage to do that.

Media and Beauty

I remember talking about the beauty shown by the medias in class since I was very young.  It’s something our teachers always told us: What you on TV isn’t the reality, these people are Photoshopped, on extreme diets, etc.  They want us to believe that everyone is beautiful in their own way.  But, it is hard to believe something different then what we hear and see everyday.

Some people like carrots, some don’t.  Even if you try, you won’t convince someone that doesn’t like carrots that it’s good.  You can tell them how good for your health is it, or how much you like it.  But, they still won’t change their minds.  Why? Because it’s their own tastes.  We all have different opinions.  But, medias they can change people’s minds… by embarrassing them.  You must like these types of people.  A guy wearing pink? Gay.  We can’t see your bones?  Fat.  Wearing glasses?  Uncool.  Like school?  Nerd.  You have bad skin?  Ugly.  They make us think a certain way, you think that this is what is normal.  But it isn’t.  We might like something that others don’t, like the carrots.  And it’s okay.  People shouldn’t be ashamed to say that the shy girl with glasses and braces in the back of the class, is actually cute.

Medias aren’t real life.  There is a very small portion of people that actually look like the people on TV.  And even the stars wear a lot of makeup.  They have their personal trainer.  Their pictures are photoshopped.  Some get plastic surgery.  The top models’ weight isn’t what is supposed to be normal!  A lot of them are underweight.  We can’t expected people to look like our favorite singer if even them aren’t looking as perfect as their pictures.

Our parents, teachers, everyone, they tell us to love ourselves and to think we’re beautiful.  But, the thing is, we might not fit our own taste.  We can like blondes but have brown hair.  In that case, it’s hard to find ourselves beautiful.  But, we can learn to accept ourselves and remember that someone in this world will find us beautiful.

In the end,  we are all beautiful to someone even if they admit it or not.  We’ll never be fully pleased with ourselves, but it doesn’t mean we’re no good.

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