Respect

Today, like every other week day, I was stuck with taking the school bus, which I hate.  I hate it so much, I hate the seats material, and the fact that you don’t have any place for your legs.  I hate the smell, I hate the cold metal that the bus is made off.  I also hate the screaming of the little kids (my bus has people from kindergarten to 12 grade in it), the stupid teenagers surrounding me and the bus driver that doesn’t do anything and drives very slow.  I don’t talk to no one…   I listen to my Ipod and read a book.  The bus drives me crazy.  Call me a snob for looking down on my fellow schoolmates and not trying to talk to them, I don’t even care.

So today, the boys from 9 grade were trowing things to each other!  They always act like 8 years olds.  They obviously cannot shoot properly, so they ended up throwing a dozen pieces of paper to me.  I was so angry, but I didn’t want to say nothing.  They would probably have laughed at my face and just gotten me madder.  I was trying to read my book, but I was so angry I couldn’t.  My breathing was getting shorter and I could hear my heartbeat in my head.  Once we were at my stop, I stormed out of the bus and ran to my house.  I got there so mad!  I couldn’t calm down.

I decided to go to the mailbox even thought it’s pouring cold rain outside.  Once I returned home, my hair were all wet and my hands and face was freezing and red.  I then took a bit of sugar to eat and all of that calmed me down.  Now, I’m here writing about it.

I never understood what was so difficult with respect.  It seems like no one can do it.  Yes, we all can say sorry and thank you.  But those are usually just empty words that we say out off habit.  Respect is more then that, it’s respecting others rights, feelings, body, thoughts, minds, etc.  It’s hard to respect someone if they trow things at you and act stupid.  But at least I keep my thoughts about them for myself.  And if someone doesn’t respect me, I will not respect them back.

Do to others what you want them to do to you.  I’ve heard that a lot when I was young, I always felt like this, this was the key to peace.  But, no one can do it.

I looked at them in the bus, throwing things.  And I think: Those are the ones that will have jobs in the future, who will take care of our society.  But they never seem to grow up, never seem to care.

I’ve been called mature a lot.  And of course a kid should be a kid and have fun.  And I do.  I like to spend time with my friends and talk about normal things.  It’s okay to have fun, but have respect for others.  If there was more respect, everything would be easier.  If you don’t respect people while you’re young, you never will.  And they’ll grow up and raise kids to be like them and have jobs and threat their coworkers like they don’t matter…

If there’s something I hate more then anything, it is being disrespectful.

After Rejection

I already wrote about my rejection that happened a month ago, but something happened and I thought about talking about it a bit more.  So, a month ago I asked a guy to go to the movies and he said no in a pretty cold way.  He’s in my class and we used to talk a lot, but since then we didn’t talk at all.  For a month, we didn’t say anything to each other, at least not directly.

Yesterday, I was reading and my friend was asking him where he was at in our work for our law class.  I then heard my name and someone asking me where I was in our class.  I looked away from my book and he was looking at me while smiling softly.  I could tell he felt awkward to talk to me but relieved he managed to do it.  I think he tried earlier in the day too, because he came to see me and my friend for a homework.  But, I ignored him.

I was quite surprised, he’s a very shy boy.   But I was happy that he talked to me.  I knew someday I’d have to talk to him again because we’re in the same class.  So I was relieved he did it first.  At the same time, I felt like he was sorry and that he understood that he hurt me.

So when I looked up from my book, I smiled at him and answered him like I would have normally.  Since last month, it was the first time I felt like that.  I wasn’t as stressed or as awkward.  I felt good, relieved.  I don’t know how to explain it, I just felt different.  I wasn’t embarrassed to see him anymore.

Crime books

I have that interest for crimes and killers.  I’ve watched a lot of documentary and TV shows about it.  Then, someone recommended that I read some books.  I thought about it and I went to our school’s small library.  I found a very small section on crimes and murders.  It has about a dozen books in it (not a very big choice).  But I remembered that the person recommended Ann Rule’s books.  And more then half of them were from her,  so I picked one of them.  I was looking in the small section if I could find something else when my friend called my name.  I turned around and she showed me a book about profiling.  It was in the child care section…  I guess someone put it there by mistake.  So I took that one too.  I continued looking at the books, wanting to take them all with me.  So I told myself that I’ll try to read them all by the end of the school year.  I’m thinking about going to the public English library too.  They’ll surely have a lot more choices.  But, I can’t take too much at the same time, so I’ll wait a bit.  But I was very excited to start reading the two books I got.  Even thought I have another book I’m supposed to finish by tomorrow for school..

No one in my class read big books

I feel like I’m writing a lot today…

Anyway, my brother wanted a book to read so I told him to look trough my book shelf.  He took a book for 8 years old kid, but he’s 12…  I told him he should read bigger books, or one more appropriate for his age.  It would be a lot more interesting.  And he replied with ” No one in my class read big books.”  He reads book that are 100-200 pages but when I was it age…  It had been 1-2 years since I started reading books with over 500 pages.  I think it’s ridiculous, for a smart kid like my brother to read books based on what his classmates read.  He won’t find that book interesting, I know it.  Why?  Because I know what he likes and what kind of person he is.  He already tried reading from that collection and didn’t like it…

But because others didn’t read bigger books, he won’t either.  And my brother, he’s smart.  I’m not just saying that because he’s my brother…  You guys should hear him talk about dinosaurs…  He bought many books about them, and he memorized about everything.  He had that passion for dinosaurs.  I know he still likes them a lot, he has a book about them on his desk.  He wanted to become an archaeologist.  I support him, he’d be a good one.  But he started following the others.  He likes to read and I’ve seen him looking at bigger books.  But he never touched them.  Because he thought he was too young, that others didn’t read that.  Not because he didn’t find them interesting…  When I was younger, everyone wanted to read the big ones.  They thought it made them look more mature and they’d look smart.  Now, people seem to want the smaller books, because they’re faster to read.

I might go and look for a book more appropriate for his age, one that I think he’d like.

Dilemma

I have a passion for South Korea since a couple of years, I thought I wanted to go there and teach English.  But my mother tongue is French and I’ve always went to French schools.  And it would cost less to go to University in French.  So I don’t have much chances to get a job or a visa.  Then I thought about being a translator there.  But I don’t think I’d be able, I would find it boring and languages have never been my strength, I’ve always been better in sciences and math.  I could try, but if I’ll be happy or even get a job…  I really don’t know.  I want to go there, but I don’t like the job that I would have to do.

I also have a passion for crimes.  I read a lot about Forensic Sciences and I think it would interest me a lot.   I’d like to work as a DNA analyst.  I think I’d like that a lot.  I love sciences, it’s my favorite subject at school since I’m very young.  There is always something new to know.  I know that there will be gruesome things working in that field.  But I don’t mind sincerely.

So, I have a dilemma.  I have to choose between both.  I’m still young so I have time, but I should still start thinking about it, because time go fast.

Forensic Sciences are the only thing that ever made me think about doing something else…  What should I do?

Do you guys have any recommendation or tips to help me?

Liars and lying

If you lie too much, it’ll become a habit.

I hate liars.  I always did.  I can’t stand being lied to, so I always tried to find out the truth.  I’m good at knowing whether someone is lying or telling the truth, so I get angry at people easily, knowing that they are hiding something from me.

But, I’m also a liar, and a good one on top of that.  I love lying, I hate telling the truth.  I lie a lot.  To my parents, siblings, friends, teachers, psychologist, everyone.  I don’t like them knowing about me.  So I do understand those who lie to me.  But most people, they’ll telling the truth to the ones they trust, unlike me.  I lie to them, so they can think of me as a good person.  Someone who wants to help them, someone who won’t judge them, a genuine person.  The truth is, I just want to know about them, know how they think, they’re weakness.  I’m manipulative, I admit it.  I’ve told people I was a liar, but that’s just part of the game.  I told them I was a liar, if I was a ”real one”, I wouldn’t tell them.  And I tell some stupid lies, so they think that those are what makes me thinking I’m a liar.  So they end up trusting me anyway, not thinking about me lying to them.  I rarely reply correctly and directly to a question.  They don’t know that much about me.

Only my closest friend, knows some of my secret.  But that’s because I have no one other then her.  If I’m not normal with her, when will I ever be?  I care about her, which is surprising.  I don’t get attached to people usually.  But, we understand each other and we are pretty alike so it’s nice.  For once, I feel like I have a true friend and I believe I should be a true one too.

I hate liars, but I am one myself.  Nothing makes sense.

Lost in an imaginary world

For our English class, we have to do a book report.  I’m not such a fan of presenting in front of the class or read a mandatory book, but I still like it.  Why?  Because it puts me in the mood to read.  I atually love to read.  Thought I find it hard to find a good book.  So for this book report, I picked up a book I had in mind last year for another book report but finally didn’t choose for an unknown reason, called Blacklands.  It’s basically the story of a young boy who writes a letter to a child molester/serial killer to find the body of his uncle that was killed at the age of 11 (not sure about the age).  Hoping that the discover of the body would make his grandmother happier and that she would treat him and his brother better.

 

I like it a lot even if I haven’t read a lot.  I was also thinking about other books to read.  I’m really interested in The Faults in our stars, Between the devil and the deep blue sea, I am not a serial killer, two boys kissing and another book that I can’t remember right now…

 

Anyway, do you guys like to read?  What’s on your “to read” list!?